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| Aviation quips. | |
Alex Watmore 18th Feb 2010 22:39:34 | It takes acollege degree to fly a plane but only a high schol diploma to fix one.
After every flight Qantas fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft.The mechanics correct the problems,document their repairs on the forms,and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots(marked P)and the solutions recorded by the mainenance engineers(marked S).(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never,ever,had a crash). P:left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S:almost replaced left inside main tyre. P:test flight O,K.except autoland very rough. S:auto-land not installed in this aircraft. P:something loose in cockpit. S:something tightened in cockpit. P:dead bugs on windshield. S:live bugs on back order. P:auto-pilot on altitude hold mode produces a 200ft/min descent. S:cannot reproduce problem on ground. P:evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S:evidence removed. P:DME volume set unbelievably loud. S:DME volume set to more beleivable volume P:friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S:thats what friction locks are for. P:IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S:IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P:suspected crack in windshield. S:suspect your right. P:number 3 engine missing. S:engine found on right wing after brief search. P:aircraft handles funny (love this one). S:aircraft warned to straighten up,fly right and be serious. P:target radar hums. S:reprogammed target radar with lyrics. P:mouse in cockpit. S:cat installed. and the best for last.......... P:noise coming from under the instrument panel,sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S:took hammer away from midget. S:almost replaced left inside main tyre. |
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